There are lots of ways our hearts grow. Loving as a partner or parent. Stepping up for work that makes a difference. Taking God's love into us and trying to embody love in our particular neighborhoods.
There are ways to train in heart growth too. For years I never imagined meditation could be such a powerful way of growing the heart.
One of the qualities that insight meditation recognizes and cultivates is something called spaciousness. Just by slowing down and allowing our thoughts and feelings to come and go, noticing them without judgment, cultivates spaciousness--room enough to hold whatever comes.
Several years ago I was driving to a very important meeting. The car's check engine light came on. Then the low oil light came on. I figured it wouldn't hurt to go another 25 miles. I was wrong.
After 20 miles the engine began to 'knock'. To go clunk, clunk, clunk.
After the meeting I drove to the dealer. A mechanic told me it didn't sound good. 20 minutes later he came back to tell me I'd pretty much ruined the engine, melted the rods--or something like that.
Sitting there, waiting for my wife to pick me up, I was so angry at myself. Worried about the $5-6,000 butcher's bill, too.
I'd been practicing mindfulness for 3 or 4 years. A 'check engine' light was flashing somewhere in my head--but I didn't want to go there, didn't really think effective mindfulness practice was possible for me in a circumstance like this. Yet after stewing a bit more, I at was least willing to try.
I began to breathe. Doing nothing at first but following the breath and trying to not listen to all those overheated judgmental thoughts slamming around in my head.
I began to recall what spaciousness was all about--making room for our thoughts and feelings. It was an ironic moment. No ****ing way to make room for this mob of tyrants.
But I kept trying.
"Just let it ventilate," I remembered. "Where do you feel this in the body? Breathe right into this very place. Breathe into it and through it and all around it. Sense the space this creates."
I did. Lots of clanging around still going on. But I kept breathing. Kept imagining. Continued to sense wild feelings & thoughts, breath & space.
After awhile my mind and heart seemed nearly able to hold all that hot, difficult energy. To hold it--not repress it or resist it--and be reasonably at peace at the same time. What a lesson.
Welcome and entertain them all! (says Rumi)
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
Having our hearts swept empty is very underrated. This being cleared out for new delights is an amazing gift. Practicing spaciousness is good training for those who want bigger hearts.
Making room in our hearts to deal with our own crap also reveals that we have more room than we knew for other people's crap. For life's crap. More room for life's delights, too.
Cultivating spaciousness is a wonderful kind of spiritual formation.
Be grateful for whoever (or whatever!) comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
