And just think, if practices like the ones suggested below--ones that just barely scratch the surface of our 'souls'--can be helpful, how much richer can integrative practices of mind-body-spirit be?
Buddhist monks, Sufi masters, Jewish and Christian mystics have been diving deep, deep beneath the surface for millenia, and their 'research' is becoming more and more widely available. AND more accessible. We don't have to be 'monkish' to get way beneath the surface ourselves. I named this blog Ordinary Mindfulness for that very reason.
My take is that people who practice meditation or contemplative prayer for 6 months or so usually 'know' more about the deep benefits of self-compassion than the researches who are (thank God) getting so stoked about the kind of results the following article highlights.
Anyway, I'm really grateful for the growing convergence between our current scientific research and the richest mindfulness practices of our ancient traditions.
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In times of
stress, even people with close social networks can feel utterly alone. We're
often advised to "buck up," "talk to someone" (who is often
paid to listen) or take a pill. Wouldn't it also make sense to learn ways to
comfort and be supportive of ourselves?
Think of it
as becoming our own best friend, or our own personal coach, ready with the kind
of encouragement and tough love that works best for us. After all, who else
knows us better than ourselves? If that sounds crazy, bear in mind it sure
beats turning to chocolate, alcohol or your Pekingese for support. (Personally, I find pets to be remarkably supportive -MH)
Experts say
that to feel better you need to treat yourself kindly—this is called
"self-compassion"—and focus on the positive, by being optimistic.
Research shows self-compassionate people cope better with everything from a
major relationship breakup to the loss of their car keys. They don't compound
their misery by beating themselves up over every unfortunate accident or
mistake. Car broke down? Sure, it's a drag, but it doesn't make you an idiot.
"They
are treating themselves like a kind friend," says Mark Leary, professor of
psychology and neuroscience at Duke University. "When bad things happen to
a friend, you wouldn't yell at him."
In 15
studies conducted over the past seven years, Dr. Leary has found that
self-compassionate people are happier. Three of the studies, soon to be
published, examine how self-compassion affects people over age 65. The studies
found that people who accepted memory lapses, arthritis and other difficulties
of getting older, and who treated themselves extra nicely on tough days,
reported more positive emotions and were coping better with the aging process.
Self-compassion
helps people overcome life's little, and not-so-little, stressors, such as
public speaking. In another study, Dr. Leary asked people to stand in front of
a videocamera and make up a story starting with the phrase, "Once there
was a little bear…" Then he asked them to critique their performance,
captured on videotape.
People whom
the study had identified as being high in self-compassion admitted they looked
silly, recognized the task wasn't easy and joked about it. People low in
self-compassion gave harsh self-criticism.
Experts say
you can learn self-compassion in real time. You can train your brain to focus
on the positive—even if you're wired to see the glass as half empty. A person's
perspective, or outlook, is influenced by factors including genetic makeup (is
he prone to depression?), experiences (what happened to him?) and
"cognitive bias" (how does he interpret his experiences?). We can't
change our genes or our experiences, but experts say we can change the way we
interpret what has happened in the past.
Everyone has
an optimistic and a pessimistic circuit in their brain, says Elaine Fox,
visiting research professor at the University of Oxford, England, and director
of the Affective Neuroscience Laboratory in the Department of Psychology at the
University of Essex. Fear, rooted in the amygdala, helps us identify and
respond to threats and is at the root of pessimism. Optimism, in contrast, is
rooted in the nucleus accumbens, the brain's pleasure center, which responds to
food, sex and other healthy, good things in life.
"The
most resilient people experience a wide range of emotions, both negative and
positive," says Dr. Fox, author of "Rainy Brain, Sunny Brain."
To enjoy life and feel good, people need roughly four positive emotions to
counteract the effect of one negative emotion, she says.
It's
possible to change your cognitive bias by training the brain to focus more on
the positive than on the negative….
