As I've posted before, all
spiritual traditions recommend distinguishing between small self and big self,
false self and true self, non-self and more-than-self, dying to self in order
to be fully alive. NOT IDENTIFYING with our narratives, not mistaking the
stories we tell about ourselves for who we truly are is a powerful way of
embodying the wisdom of these traditions.
Any idea of ,Dying To
Self, Non-Self, More-Than-Self, at first seems strange. A big part of mindful
practice is taking the strangeness out of the the concept--by making the
experience of our 'selves' non-conceptual--actually making
our experience of ourselves, hmmmmm... EXPERIENTIAL.
Mindfulless teaches us,
trains us, to pay attention and actually experience our selves.
Jack Kornfield writes,
"From the smallest organisms through complex life-forms to human beings,
the creation of boundaries and the perception of separateness is
universal."
He continues,
"The gift of Buddhist
psychology is to take us to the next step, the evolutionary capacity to see
beyond the separate self. The functional self, even at its most healthy, is not
who we are. And to the extent that we adults remain caught and identified with
any of the earlier stages of development, our suffering is perpetuated. Unlike
its Western counterpart, Buddhist psychology recognizes that the ordinary
process of development does not end the story. From a functional self, it
offers a path to the discovery of selflessness. It shows us how the sense of
self is created moment by moment. Then it dissolves identification and shows
the joyful openness which exists beyond the self."
Jesus says, "Those
who try to save their lives will lose them, and those who lose their lives will
save them."
13th Century Zen Master,
Dogen, writes,
To
study the way is to study the self.
To
study the self is to forget the self.
To
forget the self is to be enlightened by all things.
It's not difficult to become aware of
the very interesting goings-on of our lives. It's a challenge to stick with it
sometimes. We can be shocked, disappointed, with our selves. But, as you
probably already know, we kinda disappointed with our selves already--when we
pay attention.
Kornfield writes more,
"Modern science tells us that the
molecules of the body are completely replaced every seven years. If I am not
the physical elements of this body, then what am I? Am I the stream of changing
feelings? Am I the memories and perceptions? Am I the thoughts and concepts,
the views and beliefs? Who am I? This is not a theoretical question; it is the
most practical question for us to ask in the midst of our problems and our
sorrows. Who do I take myself to be: at work, in my family, in my community, in
my own heart?
The way we answer this question can
lead to entanglement and struggle or—no matter where we are—to freedom and
ease. It is absolutely crucial to understanding the human predicament.
According to the classic Buddhist understanding, two mental states create the
sense of self. One is called “self-view,” which takes some aspect of experience
as I, me, or mine. The second is “compared view,” which evaluates the created
sense of self as better than, worse than, or equal to others.
We create a sense of self whenever we
identify with our body, our mind, our beliefs, our roles, our situation in
life. This identification happens unconsciously, over and over, whenever we
hold our feelings, thoughts, and perceptions as me or mine."
If you've read this far, and recognize
what this is about, and if you want to work with it more, you might review RAIN
practice (below).
---
RAIN stands for: Recognition, Acceptance, Investigation, and
Non-Identification.
R
We can practice RECOGNIZING whenever we’re
hooked. The word RECOGNIZE means ‘to indentify something from
having encountered it before.’ It’s a great word for the way we learn to work
with unhelpful, habitual responses to life. It reminds us we have the capacity
to develop transforming habits of mindfulness right in the many places where
we’re working with unhelpful habits of our minds.
A
We can practice ACCEPTING what’s going on with us every time we remember to. We
learn to look our own experience in the face. This practice is the opposite of
denial. Accepting means we do our best to be aware of exactly what’s happening
without judging ourselves. ACCEPTANCE is more than gritting our teeth and bearing
the unbearable. It suggests roominess, generosity, kindness, a welcoming
spirit. Inhaling is a good a metaphor—the diaphragm making room for what keeps
us alive.
I
We practice INVESTIGATING the ‘stuff’ we’re noticing and welcoming. Are there
bodily sensations? Where in the body do we sense it? Is it a pain? A numbness?
More like cold or heat? Tightness? What about feelings? Are they pleasant (or
not)? Does this particular experience come with sadness, happiness, fear,
frustration, etc.? What exactly do those feelings feel like? Where in the body
are they lodged? (Don’t forgot ACCEPTANCE here—with every feeling we notice we
do our very best to hold it with kind attention.) And what about memories—do
memories come up? What narratives surface with them? Is a story being told?
What’s it about? Who seems to be telling it? Who’s listening? Is it possible to
listen objectively—and kindly?
N
We practice NON-IDENTIFICATION. All spiritual traditions recommend
distinguishing between small self and big self, false self and true self,
non-self and more-than-self, dying to self in order to be fully alive. NOT
IDENTIFYING with our narratives, not mistaking the stories we tell about
ourselves for who we truly are is a powerful way of embodying the wisdom of
these traditions. DON’T INDENTIFY may sound like a command, but it’s better
seen as wise, helpful, healthy practice. We DON’T CONFUSE the feelings,
thoughts, memories, moods, stories or predictions about ourselves for who we
most truly are. RAIN work often exposes us to the very sticky feelings
and stories we do identify and suffer with, but all the while, as we slowly
grow in practical skill and gracious discernment, we’re seeing for ourselves
the truer self—and the more-than-self knows and rejoices in the difference.
