Not long after being ordained, I was browsing in a bookstore in Norfolk run by two wise and wonderful nuns. I was wearing my new priestly garb, feeling a bit special.
One of the nuns walked over to me and asked quietly if I'd be willing to 'bless' a cross that a customer had just bought.
My first thought was, Wow, sure. I'm pleased to be asked.
But right on top of that first thought came a jumble of responses with a very different tone. This is a Roman Catholic bookstore-the customer 'looks like' a Catholic-so does the cross-I don't have a clue what blessing an RC priest might give.
I say 'Yes.' But while I'm being introduced to the lady who bought the cross, and she's saying something to me, I'm busy trying to remember if my Liturgics professor (a former Catholic) had told us anything about moments like this, and failing to remember, trying to compose a blessing in my head.
The only part of the blessing I can remember now is 'Amen.' I'm sure it was adequate. But...
It could have been more than that. I could have slowed down, relaxed, taken a few minutes to get to know the woman who bought the cross.
Why didn't I?
Anything like this ever happen to you?
Well, my response in the bookstore is what IDENTIFICATION looks like. In this case with a role--a new role, an imagined role: "What's a good priest supposed to do, exactly?" No doubt also in the mix was my family dynamic of GETTING THINGS RIGHT.
Non-Identification could have given me more space. I might have felt the same pressure, but then, noticing how strong it was...taken a moment. Realized I didn't have to get it Right. Understood there wasn't a right way and a wrong way. Just a Way.
If I could get a do-over, here's what I'd do. Notice that first shot of adrenaline. Notice what "I" was telling "Me" to do. Take a moment. In that moment I'd have probably realized with real relief, Ah, this involves me but it's not about me.
Then I could have engaged this woman with her new cross in a conversation that would have gone...somewhere...who knows where...listening...curious...caring...God knows where...I don't know because it was too much about small me then.
The voices and pressures and identifications that make up our non-examined selves are self-limiting. As we give them more of our 'kind attention,' we hear what they say, learn what they advise, feel how they urge--and realize how very much the voices and pressures of our small selves limit our responses to Life.
You shall know the truth.
Jesus said that.
And truth sets us free. Free to do lots of meaningful little things without the habitual limitations of little selves.
