Yesterday I wrote that life is not a tale told by an idiot but by our own 'selves' at the different levels of our developing psyches. And for most of us humans, we've rarely been idiots--though we've never been infallible either. Much of the time, right from the start, we've tried hard to get things right. We've often responded to family and neighborhood and school contexts with the best wisdom we had. And the best wisdom we've had comes mainly from the people around us who've influenced us most. And that's been (how would you put this?) a mixed bag. Yes?
Even though it goes against my temperament, I am almost always on time. It's one of my 'good' qualities. Inside me is a strong commitment to NOT MAKE OTHER PEOPLE WAIT. I'm proud of this. Other people appreciate it. BUT, as I practice being on time faithfully, diligently, I also cause people to suffer.
That's because my commitment to always be on time comes from a deeply formed, immature response to life. At maybe 4 years old, I had been dressed in my Sunday clothes early enough to go outside and play before church. I played in the dirt. Got dirty. My father came to get me and saw what a mess I was. He was so mad he spanked me--one of only two times I remember being spanked.
My father also had a firm commitment to being on time. His faithful, diligent practice caused suffering too.
I can't be sure this was THE moment of a permanent fixation to be on time. But it's in the ballpark. And it's a useful story to see, to investigate, and to use as a kind of sacrament. Something just waiting to be transformed.
All my life I've tended to drive too fast to 'not be late,' to herd my family toward my goal (first in a nice way, but if they dawdle, then in a darker, controlling kind of way. It's "what I'm supposed to do!"
As I wrote yesterday, Some of our most vivid stories about ‘life’ were composed to mark what we found terrifying and bewildering once upon a time.
So....what unhelpful 'wisdom' have you received once upon a time? What rules for life do you take for granted? What feels like 'THIS IS WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO DO!'
Many of the laws we all live by are due for review. Recognize when your laws come into play. Be curious about them. Listen to the words that come with them, the memories, the stories that are connected to them. The feelings, the body sensations they evoke. Observe what words come out of your mouth.
Is anybody suffering from your laws? Are you?
Time to try something different?
Our stories are still being written and revised. The revised editions can make the world more whole.
