Today is the first day of Advent. Advent means something is on the way. Yet what is on the way is also already here as well, because it's already in us, gestating.
St. Ireneaus, who lived about 1,800 years ago in what is now Lyon, in France, said "The glory of God is a human being fully alive." That's what we're pregnant with and what we're always, progressively, giving birth to. We're pregnant with and giving birth to being fully alive.
This Advent the moon is gestating with us. For the next few evenings it will be just a sliver setting in the west. But every evening it will be a little bigger and a little higher in the sky. A sign.
It's not a perfect sign. After 2 weeks of waxing, the moon will wane and in 2 more weeks it will be 'new' for Christmas Eve.
'New' in moon terms means no light at all, not even a sliver. Yet, bless it's faithful phasing, the moon will start brightening again on Dec 26.
I've had a really hard day today. Kind of a dark side of the moon day. Dark thoughts, uncomfortable feelings. It's felt like being pregnant with anxiety and grief. I've 'let go' of these dark thoughts and emotions a hundred times. Yet, today, they've kept returning.
But underneath, much deeper, lives the recognition that I'm actually pregnant with Life--fresh, growing, whole life. That doesn't make dark thoughts and emotions less real, just less substantial.
This recognition is sustained by both grace and practice. Today I've felt anxious and sad, but I haven't practiced feeling anxious and sad. I've practiced letting go of them.
And practiced trusting this process of being pregnant with something better.
I'm really looking forward to watching the moon grow, too.
