I suspect everybody who reads this blog made a decision some
time ago to grow as a human being. To be more alive this year than last year.
To be a little wiser and kinder and happier next year than this year. I write
about mindfulness because it's such a wonderful tool for the growing soul.
Ironically, perhaps what mindfulness does best (or at least
first) is to show us where we're stuck--where we resist growth, where the old
wine skins are no longer flexible. It shows us which bits of us are resisting
the very growth we, in our deepest selves, want so badly.
The very first dilemma we face in being mindful is
dealing with our resistance to being quiet, being still. Becoming still takes
muscles our culture never taught us how to develop.
The word resistance comes from the Latin verb resistere.
It means to stop and stay stopped. To resist an invading army, to stand
unmovable, can be wise, courageous and hugely beneficial. But to resist the
unfamiliar and the unpleasant and the difficult is just dumb.
Dumb--and normal.
And this very first challenge we take on, working against
the habit of resisting being still and mindful, gives us skill and confidence
to face Brother Resistance the thousand other places we meet him.
And, thankfully, something wonderful and important happens
when we gradually learn how to quiet our minds:
"...Your mind will become still in any surroundings,
like a clear forest pool. All kinds of wonderful, rare animals will come to
drink at the pool, and you will clearly see the nature of all things. You will
see many strange and wonderful things come and go, but you will be still."
--Ajahn Chah
It's a challenge, however, to realize that these
"strange and wonderful things" Ajahn Chah speaks about often come as
PUSHME-PULLYOUs: What we deeply desire we often strongly resist. As St. Paul
says--the very thing I hate, I do; while the very thing I want to do, I resist.
Sitting quietly we see lots of thoughts and feelings coming
and going. Many of them petty, egocentric, nagging, and out of touch with our
deeper values. We'll also see beauty. But first, we'll need to learn to be
still enough to allow this steady stream of 'strange and wonderful things to
come and go.'
It's amazing how helpful it can be as we learn to "let
go and let God" to see in detail what's got hold of us--what's
pushing and pulling us and squandering the soul's energy.
It's just as amazing to realize that by learning to face and
let go of resistance we are also building up the muscles it takes to
hang in there, stay still, and tolerate all kinds of uncomfortable inner
work--all kinds of strange and wonderful things.
If you are somebody who experiences resistance to becoming
still--take heart! Greet Brother Resistance expectantly. He comes to train us,
to strengthen us, to nurture something that can keep our souls growing all our
days.
