MARY VS MARTHA
A Guest Post by Jane Coburn
I continue to be amazed by themes surfacing in my life. I will read an article about a topic and then
someone a few days later will make a comment about the same topic. A few days
later while flipping channels on the television there’s someone discussing the same
topic. I know this is God and the
Universe literally tapping me on the shoulder saying, “yoo hoo, Jane – pay attention
, there’s a lesson here!” Recently,
while chatting with my mother about something completely unrelated to the
Bible, she referenced the Bible story about the sisters Mary and Martha. I had not heard, read, or thought about this
story in several years. A few days later
at my monthly meditation group, my friend Michael talked about Mary and
Martha... “yoo hoo Jane…”
I love the visual the Mary and Martha story conjures in my
head, Martha running around trying to cook, clean, and serve her guests while
Mary just sits and listens to Jesus. Too
often, I am Martha, over-doing, trying to please everyone and not experiencing
the moment. Like Martha, I’d then be
resentful of having done all the work, but didn’t we choose this service
instead of being in the moment with our guests?
I can picture Martha years later saying, “I can’t believe I had Jesus in
my house and I ignored him to do the dishes!”
My Western, dualistic mind wants to side with Martha. What is wrong with working hard and taking
care of others? Hard work and service
should be rewarded. I want to say, “What
is Mary’s problem? Why didn’t she get
off her lazy butt and help poor Martha?”
I want to label one good and one bad, but the truth is they are both
fine. It is learning to balance our Mary
and our Martha that is important. There
is a time for serving, for doing, for working hard. There is a time to be silent, to listen, to
contemplate, to breath.
The key is to be present enough to know when to be active or
contemplative. The present moment should
be right at our finger tips and yet it eludes us most of the time. There is a
saying, “The present is called the “present” because it is a gift”. It seems cheesy and simplistic and I’ve
rolled my eyes more than once when I’ve seen this posted on someone’s Facebook
wall. Yet, like all clichés, it is
true.
Meditation is giving me this gift. Too often, my mind is stuck in the past or
the future. Instead of being fully
present, I am regretting something in the past or having anxiety about
something that may not even come to fruition in my future. Meditation is teaching me to be more present
and it is a gift. A gift I find
myself wanting to share.
As a mother, I am always thinking five steps ahead or three
behind. Too many times, I’d be playing a
board game with my kids while cooking dinner, checking my e-mail in between
turns, thinking about our plans for the next day, and getting frustrated that
my son is taking so long with his turn.
I was clearly not accepting the gift of the present moment.
Lately, I’ve heard my own voice inside my head saying, “Hey
wake up and don’t miss this moment – BE PRESENT!” Through meditation, I am finding my inner
Mary. The other day, my thirteen year
old son and I were walking together and he grabbed my hand. We walked for a good ten minutes holding
hands. He’s right on the cusp of puberty
– my hand holding days with him are numbered.
At that moment, I consciously found my inner voice saying, “Enjoy this,
be present.” I took a deep breath and
enjoyed it – felt the hand that is still a bit smaller than mine and poured my
love into it, forgetting where I was going or what I needed to be doing. I just enjoyed the warmth of his hand and the
closeness of our bond and walked.
This happened again with my other son yesterday. Austin and
I were at a local amusement park and they have this pond filled with these
insane carp and Japanese Koi fish who jump, dive, and pile on top of each other to get to the
tiny fish food pellets we throw into the water.
Austin could sit and watch these fish all day--his inner Mary is well
nurtured. I need to remember that when I
am desperately trying to make him be Martha.
As he fed the fish and his face lit up and his giggles
poured out, I heard the voice again telling me to soak in this moment. We bought a second bag of fish food – most
fun I’ve ever had for a dollar! I found
myself present and filled with joy sharing these few moments with my son. It is difficult to express in words how
deeply these moments have imprinted on my soul.
These memories seem to come back to me more vividly than others, my mind
accessing the feelings and sensations in a deeper way.
The present is a gift, but one not always easy to
accept. In fact, as I write this, I find
myself wishing I could go back and be more present with my children when they
were younger, regretting going through the motions at times out of exhaustion
or boredom. Why do our minds always want
to take us back? Why go there – it
serves no purpose but to conjure up grief and guilt.
I hope that I will always have my inner Martha, she has
served me well, but she needs a break. I feel Mary now, guiding her and giving
her the gift of mindfulness and the joy of being present. I hope she will continue to be open and
accept Mary’s gift.
