What Feels Better Than Being Right?

Monday I wrote about what it was like for me to be vehemently challenged by an old friend from my Evangelical days about my present support for LBGT couples being able to have the same legal rights as straight folks.

In the blog I mentioned some of my initial feelings--anger, pride, self-righteousness--a quick desire to put this person in his place!

I also mentioned what can happen when we're willing to slow down, to very mindfully pause and notice all the ingredients of what's stewing in us--pause to let things settle so we can follow our deeper desires.

A wise person was asked--'What are the teachings of a lifetime?' The wise person answered, 'An appropriate response.'

Whether we're Muslim or Sufi or Jewish or Hindu or Buddhist or Christian, we have a commitment in common to embody love wisely and courageously. Embodying kindness and compassion wisely is an appropriate response.

Sometimes it's embodied forcefully. Most times our best response is more even.

Anyway, after 'sleeping on it' I wrote this back to my Evangelical friend:

Sean (not the real name),

The reason I'm in favor of gay couples being able to marry is a long, long story. Took me a long time to study and pray and listen my way to it.

My middle brother was gay. Having somebody you love and know really well gives you a steady reason to talk to God about something like this.

What I noticed over the years with my brother was how hard he tried to be straight. He was never openly gay. He married. Loved God and his family. But was also miserable deep down in his experience of hiding his true self. I knew he was not a 'deviant' in any way. No more sinful than me--in any way. He was just wired differently.

But (and you know well how this works) I also loved God and the scriptures. I could no more set scripture aside than I could set my love of my brother aside.

I remember reading a book in seminary, a collection of essays by Evangelical scholars about God, gays, and the Bible. I was struck that not one of the writers didn't agonize as he/she wrestled with the issue. I think all of them had friends or family that were gay or lesbian and so their writing wasn't just detached study but was also a real work of the soul.

I went about my search in a similar way. I've read, referenced wise commentary, and pondered every thing the Bible says about homosexuality...too much to put in a Facebook message!

But since I need to to pick a few bible passages that have been decisive for me...

The first is from Genesis: "The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone." Amen. What a wonderful blessing it is to have a life partner.

The second is from Galatians: "There is no longer Jew or Gentile, slave or free, male and female. For you are all one in Christ Jesus." I don't think this is an exhaustive list, Sean. I think this is the pattern of how God works--continually opening our hearts and actions where they've been closed.

The next is from Mark: "Jesus said, 'Come, follow me...'" The longer I live the more I realize how much faith it takes to follow Jesus. He's the living Covenant, you know? We can't follow scripture the same way we follow Jesus. When scripture gets carved into stone, it becomes Law not Gospel.

Faith has 2 'opposites.' One, as everybody knows, is doubt. The other is trickier...it's certainty.

For myself, Sean, faithfulness and trust keep moving me on to where, to the best of my ability to discern, Jesus is leading me to love in bigger and ever more generous ways.

I've come to know and love a lot of gay and lesbian Christian couples over the years. I see God working in them just like God works in you and me. Faithful, loving, worshiping, praying, vital, growing people.

The main thing that's different is how much they suffer from judgment, discrimination, even demonization. I believe God wants this to change.

This is really ironic if it's true, you know? That what needs to change is not homosexual orientation but heterosexual orientation. We heteros may need to get better oriented to following a living Gospel.

Anyway, this is a long story made short about why I'm in favor of LGBT couples having the same rights as straight folks.