Almost all of us need encouragement to risk going deeper in our lives. The ego likes it better when we don't contradict its opinion of itself.
Frank Leahy, football coach at Notre Dame, famously said, "Egotism is the anesthetic
that dulls the pain of stupidity.” Our egos are made to protect 'us' from full disclosure of our 'usual selves'--until we're mature enough to protect and nurture our full and becoming selves in wiser ways.
But if we don't want to stay ignorant of who we are and what we're made of--if we don't want to continue to stunt our growth--we have to risk going deeper, getting to know better both the what and the how of our thinking and feeling. On the way we will meet uncomfortable stuff. Sometimes scary stuff.
Ann Lamott famously writes, "My mind's like a bad neighborhood--I try not to go there alone." That's not just true of Ann Lamott. We all have bad neighborhoods somewhere in us.
Encouragement to go deeper is helpful. Cautioning about going deeper is helpful.
Most of what this blog is about is encouragement. I've been helped so much by intentional spiritual formation, by meditation, by mindful practice, that I can't not want to pass it on.
I keep saying, one way and another, try this! Take time for mindful practice! Don't just read about it--do it!
I say this because it's only in the do-ing that we actually go deeper and have our lives continually being transformed, slowly and surely.
Some time in the process, however, we come upon memories, feelings, traumas, woundedness that's just more than we can handle. More than we can 'say grace over.'
It's helpful at times like these to consult a therapist, a spiritual director, a wise pastor, rabbi, meditation teacher, etc.
And it's also helpful to know that scary stuff is stored in all of us. When you meet dark stuff in yourself it won't just be 'your' stuff. Dark matter and black holes are apparently universal.
Sometimes by going deeper I trigger feelings in myself--black moods that are both deeply troubling and persistent.
Don't be surprised when it happens to you. Don't be horrified or despondent, either.
The good news is that the honest seeing we practice in meditation coupled with the compassionate holding of all we experience in meditation combine to bring healing and integration of all the 'stuff' we uncover in meditation.
Speaking of practice--when we get triggered by scary stuff, it's really helpful to know how to do simple focused breathing. Purposeful, deep, strong, loud breathing. Following the breath as it comes in through the nose, down into the throat and chest--noting the way our chests expand, our diaphragms move. Then following the breath out again. No thinking! Just simple and complete attention on the breath over and over and over.
Doing this for 5 or 10 minutes can be remarkably centering, soothing, restoring.
If you intend to continue going deeper into mindful practice, you might want to practice this every now and then--so that when you need it you'll have it.
