But for now, let's stay with small self tactics. Can you conjure what blame and shame feel like? I'm still somewhat under their influence this morning so it's no trouble to feel both. And the most helpful way I know to describe what they feel like is CORROSIVE. They're eating away at me--steadily working semi-consciously.
So...what can we do with corrosive responses? How does the Growing Self work with blame, shame, etc.?
Compassion Practice is a great place to start--it's good medicine.
Mindfulness is 'composed' of Clarity and Kindness--seeing clearly, loving dearly. Sometimes we especially need to love dearly.
Mindfulness is 'composed' of Clarity and Kindness--seeing clearly, loving dearly. Sometimes we especially need to love dearly.
As I Christian, I've long understood that we can lean back into the Everlasting Arms. I've long taken Jesus up on his invitation to "Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give your rest."
I've also appreciated Buddhist psychology's stress on embedding lovingkindness, literally embedding it into the fibers of our minds and hearts--with practice--practice--and more practice.
It comes together for Christians, Muslims, Jews, Hindus and Buddhists as we commit to love our neighbors as ourselves. Yet most of us have lived most of our lives with very little love for ourselves. AND there's a connection.
Thich Nhat Hahn recommends a simple, elegant, and very short practice. He says, Do this:
Breathing in--I notice my heart.
Breathing out--I smile to my heart.
When I first read about this practice, I thought it was insipid and simplistic. But, of course, the more one learns about Thich Nhat Hahn, the more one realizes there must be more to it. Noticing and Smiling can be understood as Seeing Clearly and Loving Dearly. Being Clear. Being Kind.
There's never anything Pollyanna about kindness when we're seeing clearly.
The challenge is coming to understand what goes into that Smile--our own particular smile. We all have to bring our own sort of integrity to the process. What works for you? Which components of a smile can you honestly integrate into the way you smile to your heart?
I find it's almost always possible for me to bring a little irony in--just a hint of a grin--Here we go (sigh) again!
But deeper than that, a lot deeper, we have a reservoir of love itself--though often it feels unreachable from "HERE"--the place we're stuck in blame or shame or _____, or _____.
I often reference an early mentor who said, "Love is more than a feeling. It's a choice." I knew this mentor well and he practiced what he preached. Showed others what he said was possible. So, I can never long get away with believing love is truly beyond reach. Just remembering this, eventually, usually sooner than later, makes me smile.
In a more earthy way, dogs and cats bring a smile. Other people's kindness, the night sky, nearly all growing things, picturing my dad's smile, remembering my plucky 5'2" mother--taking a moment to recall and 'see' any of these has the capacity to first neutralize and eventually replace corrosive feelings.
There are many formal lovingkindness practices. If you don't yet have one you work with regularly, taking two or three minutes to notice your heart, to smile to your heart, can make a difference the first time you try it. And as you continue to explore what fuels your smile, it only gets deeper and better integrated with who you genuinely are and are becoming.
I find it's almost always possible for me to bring a little irony in--just a hint of a grin--Here we go (sigh) again!
But deeper than that, a lot deeper, we have a reservoir of love itself--though often it feels unreachable from "HERE"--the place we're stuck in blame or shame or _____, or _____.
I often reference an early mentor who said, "Love is more than a feeling. It's a choice." I knew this mentor well and he practiced what he preached. Showed others what he said was possible. So, I can never long get away with believing love is truly beyond reach. Just remembering this, eventually, usually sooner than later, makes me smile.
In a more earthy way, dogs and cats bring a smile. Other people's kindness, the night sky, nearly all growing things, picturing my dad's smile, remembering my plucky 5'2" mother--taking a moment to recall and 'see' any of these has the capacity to first neutralize and eventually replace corrosive feelings.
There are many formal lovingkindness practices. If you don't yet have one you work with regularly, taking two or three minutes to notice your heart, to smile to your heart, can make a difference the first time you try it. And as you continue to explore what fuels your smile, it only gets deeper and better integrated with who you genuinely are and are becoming.
