Lively interactions with others is one of life's treasures. How many times a day do we find ourselves in conversations? How often in those conversations do we find ourselves completely tuned in?
Steady listening is a rare thing. Staying tuned in to the person in front of us is really hard. But we can get better at it. And as we get better, life gets richer and richer.
The following is from Susan Chapman. Her most recent book is The Five Keys to Mindful Communication.
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Learning how to switch out of defensiveness into a more
humorous, receptive state of mind is a big deal.
By shutting down the channel of communication, we put up a
defensive barrier that divides us from the world. In our mind, we justify our
defensiveness by holding on to an unexamined opinion that we are right. We
undervalue other people and put self-interest first. In short, our values shift
to "me first". Closed communication patterns are controlling and
mistrustful. We see others as frozen objects that have importance only if they
meet our needs.
In-between is a place we normally don't want to enter. We
find ourselves there when the ground falls out from beneath our feet, when we
feel surprised, embarrassed, disappointed, on the verge of shutting down. At
this moment, we might feel a sudden loss of trust, an unexpected flash of
self-consciousness. Learning to hold steady and be curious at this point is
critical to the practice of mindful conversation.
The in-between state of mind is where we gain both
compassion and insight. It is not only where we witness ourselves closing down,
but also where we notice the miracle of opening up again. Why and how does this
happen? What exactly is it that makes us stop caring about being right and
begin taking an interest in another person's point of view? Mindfulness makes
us more curious about this turning point, both in our communication with others
and within ourselves.
