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It is
fortunate that we can learn to do tasks skillfully. It is unfortunate that this
skill enables us to go unconscious as we do them. It is unfortunate because
when we go unconscious, we are missing out on large parts of our life. When we “check
out,” our mind tends to go to one of three places: the past, the future, or the
fantasy realm. These three places have no reality outside our imagination.
Right here where we are is the only place, and right now is the only time where
we are actually alive.
The capacity
of the human mind to recall the past is a unique gift. It helps us learn from
our errors and change an unhealthy life direction. However, when the mind
doubles back to the past, it often begins to ruminate endlessly on our past
mistakes. “If only I’d said this . . . , then she would have said that. . . .”
Unfortunately
the mind seems to think we are very stupid. It calls up the errors of our past
over and over, blaming and criticizing us repeatedly. We wouldn’t pay to rent
and watch the same painful movie two hundred fifty times, but somehow we let
our mind replay a bad memory over and over, each time experiencing the same
distress and shame. We wouldn’t remind a child two hundred fifty times of a
small mistake he or she made, but somehow we allow our mind to continue to call
up the past and to inflict anger and shame upon our inner small being. It seems
that our mind is afraid that we will fall prey to bad judgment, ignorance, or
inattention yet again. It doesn’t believe that actually we are smart—smart enough
to learn from one mistake, and not to repeat it.
Ironically,
a mind filled with anxiety is likely to create what it most fears. The anxious
mind doesn’t realize that when it pulls us into daydreams of regret about the
past, we are not attending to the present. When we are unable to be present, we
tend not to act wisely or skillfully. We are more likely to do the very thing
the mind worries we will do.
